My family, whom I affectionately refer to as “Team Pruden”, has endured some tough losses in a short time: an aunt, a best friend, a father, and a brother. As a therapist, I KNOW the importance of grieving and processing sadness. I KNOW the importance of seeking supports and finding a new normal. However, these losses were quick, unexpected and tore metaphorical and literal holes in our village.
In an effort to “be there” for my husband, Paul, and other family members, I suppressed my grief and moved forward through each loss. By the time my brother Dexter passed in June, I was not capable of emoting. Even as I am writing this, it’s hard to explain. I KNEW I was supposed to cry, but the tears wouldn’t come. The sadness, being heartbroken, and being in a state of disbelief has been constant. The tears though….. not one.
I told myself I had a job to do and after that I would give myself permission to grieve. You see, Dexter and I were not just siblings and fellow Scorpios, we were best friends to each other. We promised each other that we would assist the other’s spouse in the event of the other’s passing. This was a conversation we had on and off for 20 years. Last year, when Paul and I had COVID and were afraid we wouldn’t survive, I gave Dexter detailed instructions on how to handle our business. He promised he would do everything we asked him to do. Now here we are 10 months later, and I’m having to do what I promised him I would do but if I’m very honest with myself, never thought I would have to do. But I promised Dexter, so that’s that.
Last week, I resumed walking. I usually pray when I walk and that’s the time when I can hear My Creator so clearly. One morning late last week, I heard, “It’s time.” In my spirit, I knew what He was saying. I was in a good place with handling my brother’s affairs; It’s time for me to grieve.
This week has been tough. I have not only reflected, been sad, but I’ve also cried. I have asked for prayer and received it. Those around me were surprised but expecting it for a while. In true village fashion, I have been enveloped in love and care. And I also stopped my perfume spree. I realized I was dealing with my grief through shopping. Now I have to hustle and pay those bills 😂…. But I smell amazing!
Why am I sharing my journey with grief? I want to encourage folks to grieve in your own way; however, also know if you suppress your feelings they will eventually surface and probably not when you want them too. Grief is a process. No one can really tell you how to do it. But I will tell you what has helped me: prayer, a village that loves me and the ability to talk about Dexter to my village. They love and miss him too; we’re all grieving together ❤️
Don’t drown in your sadness. Talk to someone about your feelings. Allow the right people to help you through your journey….
Peace and Blessings,