As Paul and I continued to work our way through our Coronavirus symptoms, I started to notice a new set of symptoms I didn’t anticipate.
They started to appear slowly at first. But over the span of a short time, maybe 2 weeks or so, they intensified and I could no longer explain them away or ignore them.
I did not care to leave my home….. for any reason. The bed I considered a prison of sorts while suffering through the worst of COVID-19 somehow became a safe haven. As I sit here writing the words, I am shaking my head because I still cannot wrap my mind around it.
I didn’t want to leave my house or my bed. As my strength returned, I started cooking and cleaning again, which required me to get out of bed. But thinking about leaving the house made me physically fatigued. As Paul started feeling better and returned to work, he would go out to the grocery store, his mom’s house, not too far from home. He would ask if I wanted to go and I would decline his offers. He wouldn’t say anything; he would just say “okay babe” and leave.
The therapist in me KNEW something wasn’t right. But I couldn’t seem to shake the almost fear I felt about leaving my home, my cocoon, my safe space. But as life does, it makes you turn in directions you normally wouldn’t go. There came times when I HAD to go out, so I did. And to be perfectly honest, I didn’t care what I looked like. I ran in whatever store I drove to, grabbed what I went there to get, and quickly drove back home.
Then it happened. A couple of weeks ago, Paul asked me one Saturday morning if I wanted to take a ride. My voice said “Okay,” but my mind was like “Whhhaaaattttt!” We rode out and had the best time! I started the process of getting back to my old self.
Most folks that know me know I’m a social person. I’ll talk to just about anyone and I love to shop. I realize now I must have concerned my family with my behavior. That was never my intention.
As “Old KP” started to re-emerge, I realized I missed the beginning of decorating for the Fall. As I started venturing out to local stores in search of Fall decor, I quickly realized the options were limited. I made a decision. I called in the Calvary.
I sent a message in my family’s group chat. “Ma, you going to church Sunday?” My mom knows my bat signals. “I was, but what you trying to do?” she replied quickly. “I want to go shopping for Fall decor,” I replied. “What time you want me to be ready?” was her reply. “12 is good.” She sent the thumbs up emoji and our date was set.
We had fun. We vexed each other too, but that is our way and we love it. In the back of my mind, I was hoping I didn’t run into someone I knew. Coronavirus has left me with what I call “Corona Brain”. I am having problems recalling words, names, recent and remote memories. It is sometimes embarrassing. Thankfully, my therapy work has not been affected by it.
We found what I needed and the day ended with my soul satiated. I ventured out and stayed practically all day with my mom. Yes, I overspent on my scarecrows and mums but I could feel “Old KP” finally breaking free.
I am working on getting my old life back. I am making strides as well as mistakes. But all that means is I’m alive. So anything that comes with that is alright with me.
Peace and Blessings,