I did it again!!!! I am convinced that my body is conspiring to keep me in bed! My body was not the only thing that was conspiring against me this morning. My mind was in on it too. Have you ever awakened and a gazillion thoughts hit you at once? Well, that happened to me this morning. So, there I was, in twilight sleep and waking up and thinking; I know it sounds weird. Anyway, I scroll through fb and see that DiAna, Wrenchel, and Tresha have already worked out today, so why shouldn’t I? There is a such thing as positive peer pressure lol. I didn’t wake Moo up this morning. I needed this time alone with God, with my thoughts.
So I start off in classic KP fashion, trying to gather my thoughts and “figure it all out”. I’m walking and thinking and then, as has also been my experience, I heard clear as day, “Let it all Go and I will give you more than you had before.” So then I try to figure out what that means and I go back and forth in my mind. I try to come to a compromise and see what feels good to my mind, my flesh. And no matter what I figure out in my “Vulcan Mind”, I kept hearing the same thing, “Let it all go and I will give you more than you had before.” And then I laugh at myself, because that’s what I do when I realize my foolishness. If you can’t laugh at yourself, then what good are you? Here I am, 40 years old and still trying to make my way the right way.
Then the breeze comes, seemingly out of nowhere. It was like confirmation to what I heard, not only this morning, but for like a full week, in my spirit, in my studying, and from family/friends. I have struggled with letting go, letting go of control, letting go of knowing, letting go of making the end of my story what I want it to be. But this morning, as I could truly feel what has been spoken into my spirit, I could feel the struggle drain from me, like water down a drain. Don’t get me wrong, I am not naive to think that I won’t ever have problems to contend with and I know that just because I shared this with people this morning that I will be tried in this area. I guess I need to get extra prayed up then lol
So, after I have my epiphany of sorts, I continue to walk, and because I am walking around the small circle, I walk by my house a few times. I walk past my Kappa neighbor, who comes outside to smoke every morning, and manages to wear some type of red at least 3 times a week, and I smile. I walk past my house and look up at Moo’s window, and for some reason, he has put a stuffed animal that one of his uncles won for him at some amusement park in his window, and I smile. And as I finished my walk, I heard a truck horn in the distance and thought about all the years that my pops drove past our house on hwy 11 and blew his horn, and I smiled. So, today, I choose to smile and let it all go, believing that God will give me something better…….